Tania

So last week I wrote about how men think about commitment way sooner than women. This week I am going to share one of three of a women’s top needs-SECURITY and why the “love me, love me” girl often plays a part in our intimate lives. Ok, so when I say the “love me, love me” girl, I am talking about the broken part (if 97% of the population grew up in dysfunction, we all have a bit of this girl in us that needs a little mending). She is the youngest and most innocent part of who we are and for many this girl has been truly abandoned by those that were supposed to protect her. As a result, when we are trying to form healthy adult relationships, many of us get tripped up with huge fears of abandonment and rejection. Ever been dumped (without warning) and try to figure out what you did wrong and how you can fix it?

Play with Integrity

The best advice that I have for you in this area is to make sure you are learning to be the best person that you can be, whether you are in a real relationship or trying to learn to be in an honest relationship with yourself. It makes it so much less complicated to separate the behavior of another person from your own self-worth if you can walk away knowing that you were the best person you could be in that relationship. Remember, regardless of what Mr. Textulator or others may say, if you get dumped and played with integrity, then it is always about the other person! You can learn to walk away on your own terms and in your own way without regret (That is how you never need to look over your shoulder when you’re ready to walk away).

Who Will Complete You?

On the other hand, if you are riddled with insecurities, you just may be causing the problem. When you can’t figure out how to fulfill your own needs and stand on your own two feet, you may be trying to force someone else to try to fill up the broken spaces and rely on them to take away your insecurities for you (It’s a total set up for him and YOU). When this happens, you may start making more demands and putting more pressure on someone than they are able to do for you. People can’t take away your insecurities they can only place them into remission by giving into your unrealistic demands.

Healthy Security Is Not Unrealistic or Demanding

A strong independent woman also needs security but not likely in the same kind of way. Most often she just needs to know that wherever she is on the planet, her man is thinking about her as a priority too. It is very unfortunate that many relationships are not able to come to some kind of a resolve around this and many times men feel if they give her this kind of assurance, she will eventually want more of it which means that he will have to cease being himself to remain invested.

Where Do People Learn This Stuff Anyways?

This is the reason why I believe that more adults need to have some kind of reference point or a little background into the differing needs of men and women and how these needs are communicated because often what women are asking for is a healthy sense of security (which means not having to look over her shoulder to see if he’s still in her corner), while many men and the “love me, love me” girl are misinterpreting this as sure way of losing independence to provide comfort to her insecurity.

Understanding Yourself

So in the end, ask yourself…Are you trying to force individual’s take away your insecurities? Or are you attempting to have a healthy sense of security which means traveling through life comfortable, with or without the physical presence of your partner? If these two issues are being faced in your relationship, you must first learn how to deal come to terms with how to fix the broken parts, while allowing yourself to enjoy the benefits of healthy security and autonomy in or out of a relationship.