Swagger with grace

Jenn

The greatest love story is one that never really occurred.  Perhaps all greatness in life is merely myths told by wordsmiths; artists creating scenarios and events that never have or will occur.  Perhaps the depth of human understanding comes from the “what if” of life.  What if I could change it all over, what if I could truly create my life’s circumstances, add a soundtrack and watch the fireworks as the greatest love story that never really happened occurs.  What if I tell you this story……..

On a non-descriptive day, in a non-descriptive venue, she met the man of her dreams.  What she saw was a young man in his thirties, curly brown hair, tall, thin but fit, and that smile; the smile she will now remember for the rest of her life.  This smile melts tension away better than a two hour massage.  The smile that deceives one into thinking they are special and important.  The smile brings equal amounts of joy and pain; it was the smile that drew her to him.

Tania

Pitbull’s translation: I got something to keep you hooked

Ok literally it means “An intangible quality that makes something distinct or attractive.” And the question I have been asked a lot lately is how do I do it? How is it that people will go to the ends of the Earth to help me? Why are men offering to pay for trips all over the world, buy me new appliances or whatever weirdly offensive act of kindness? (ever hear of a steak dinner?) I have asked myself that question for a long time and the answer is simple yet profound. Sinister yet pure. And it always boils down to one thing….How you play your cards and what you are playing for (Yes, here I go again, INTENTION).

The Real Happily Ever After

Tania

So I was at my naturopath’s today. I have been seeing her for about 5 years now and she is amazing. I love a doctor that teaches me about life, health, and balance from a very accepting and peaceful way. She has done more for my well-being than any other Western-based modality has done for me in my life. In between trying to regulate my adrenal glands, nervous system, and “broken” heart, we have time to talk about life and higher purpose.

I AM DONE PLANNING

I told her all about my quit happy plan and how I was not going to be creating a plan for vitamins and homeopathy as scheduled because I was tired of the LIST of things I needed to do to be happy. We talked about life and how I was afraid to get happy and quit everything that I loved when it got real. And just as my story was getting good, she stopped me and said, “Tania, whose voice is that?” WTF did I now have multiple personalities too? “What do you mean?” I asked.

Tania

Yesterday, I was out for a long overdue visit with an old friend. We laughed, joked, caught up with where life was at for both of us. Same grievances, different year, different villains, same martyrs (keep in mind, that yesterday I decided in my perfectly illogical logic to quit everything that made me happy and keep doing the same predictable patterns of comfortable misery to almost happy) My mindset…why change what you’re never going to fix, right?

I have heard it a million times. People DON’T change! So why the heck would I bother trying if I was going to end up in the same situations and BOLT (as my friend kindly tells me I do), when life gives me feelings that may actually feel good. Why not stay on the hamster wheel of never getting what makes me happy and continue to watch other people get what they deserve—to overcome the odds and carry on with life. Oh yes, I have been a little crusty with life (honestly, something about finalizing a divorce triggered this “I’m a failure at everything I want most” attitude). Oddly my Facebook status reads: “Don’t ask me for favors or advice. I have forwarded my cell phone to God”